THE TORY SONG

What do you do with the tory's head,

Turn it into loaves o' bread

Turn it into loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory aint the king of the sea

Tory aint the fish for me

Tory ain't the king of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's back;

Turn into trucker's stack

Turn into trucker's stack

And all sorts of things

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory is the meal for me

Tory is the curse of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's belly,

turn it into policy jelly

Turn it into policy jelly

and all sorts of things

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory aint the fish for me

Tory is the curse of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's gills,

Turn em into dodgy pills

Turn em into dodgy pills

And all sorts of things

Tory's gills, dodgy pills

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the bain of the sea

Tory ain't the fish for me

Tory ain't the fish for me

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's gob,

Turn it into a panic knob

Turn it into a panic knob

And all sorts of things

Tory' gob, panic knob

Tory's gills, dodgy pills

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory ain't the fish for me

Tory is the curse of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's tail,

Turn it into a migrant's sail

Turn it into a migrant's sail

And all sorts of things

Tory's tail, migrant sail

Tory' gob, panic knob

Tory's gills, dodgy pills

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory ain't the fish for me

Tory is the curse of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's ribs

Turn em into brexit fibs

Turn em into brexit fibs

And all sorts of things

Tory's ribs, brexit fibs

Tory's tail, migrant sail

Tory' gob, panic knob

Tory's gills, dodgy pills

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory ain't the fish for me

Tory is the curse of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's fins

Turn em into refuse bins

Turn em into refuse bins

And all sorts of things

Tory's fins, refuse bins

Tory's ribs, brexit fibs

Tory's tail, migrant sail

Tory' gob, panic knob

Tory's gills, dodgy pills

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head, loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory is the fish for me

No it's not, no it's not

Sing foydle doodle die

What do you do with a tory's eyes

Turn em into poisoned spies

Turn em into poisoned spies

And all sorts of things

What do you do with a tory's womb,

Turn it into a future tomb

Turn it into a future tomb

And all sorts of things

What do you do with a tory's arse,

Turn it into a border pass

Turn it into a border pass

And all sorts of things

Tory's arse, border pass

Tory's womb, future tomb

Tories eyes, poisoned spies

Tory's fins, refuse bins

Tory's ribs, brexit fibs

Tory's tail, migrant sail

Tory' gob, panic knob

Tory's gills, dodgy pills

Tory's belly, policy jelly

Tory's back, trucker's stack

Tory's head loaves o' bread

And all sorts of things

Tory is the curse of the sea

Tory ain't the fish for me

Tory is the curse of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

Tory aint the king of the sea

Tory aint the fish for me

Tory ain't the king of the sea

Sing foydle doodle die

© MOTH 2017

Another silly adaptation of The Herring Song.

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Trucker’s stack is the exhaust smoke stack reflecting the climate predicament and the excessive emphasis on the perceived need for cross-border trade. It is also a static queue of lorries waiting to get access to the channel tunnel.

Policy jelly is the wobbly, unsolid government policy of which there are too many examples to list here.

The dodgy pills are those that flood the UK via new smuggling routes.

The migrant sail is the wet bedsheet on the broom handle on the rubber dinghy full of people trying to float across the English Channel.

The refuse bins are those extra ones that congregate because of tighter budget constraints. Communities changing to less frequent collections are going to need somewhere more airtight away from the kitchen to store the festering multi-week accumulation.  

The future tomb is that ensuing from the sixth mass extinction.