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SUCK
Down at the sweetshop.
In the jars they've got
Novelty lollies, up on the top shelf.
All sorts of flavours.
Political favours
Those shaped like Big Ben
Are bad for your health.
There's bright red post boxes
And Nelsons, Red buses
The Queen's head, black taxis
And gurkins and shards
Helmets and truncheons
Stuffed baguette luncheons
Post office towers
Bearskins and guards
Suck suck suck suck on a baguette
Suck suck suck suck on a gurkin
Suck suck suck suck on a helmet
Suck suck suck suck on a truncheon
The Thatchers and Majors
Have been there for ages
Along with the tacky old
Blairs and the Browns
Mouldy and sticky
Tricky for licky
Leaving a bad taste
Thorns in the crown.
Cameron bumface
And Mrs May replaced
By jars full of Bojos
All shiny and new
They're selling like hot cakes
And slander and real fakes
And come in ten flavours
Designed just for you
Suck suck suck suck on a Boris
Suck suck suck suck on a Boris
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
First they give you strawberry, mint,
Banana, chocolate too
Next it's chili, earwax, mould
Some that taste like poo
Boris flavour fluctuate
Change with every breath
The ninth one tastes so nondescript
The 10th one tastes like death.
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Lift the jar gently and empty out plenty
Cast them at random all over the floor
And as they all scatter
And clatter and shatter
Trodden and stamped on
The lies are no more
Sweep up the pieces
From corners and creases
Feed them to tourists and pigeons and rats
Mould the left overs
As five petal clovers
Feed them to liars and faux democrats
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck-
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson
Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson!
© MOTH 2019
When in London…. Among the novelty boiled sweets and other offerings at the tourist gift shop you might find some lollies shaped like Boris Johnson. Be sure to choose your flavour wisely because some of the joke ones are silly flavours that will make you gag more than the real thing. Sing the last chorus out loud when having a picnic near Westminster. Boris is an utter plonker.
NOTES
Bojo is an abbreviation for Boris Johnson.
There may indeed be some unsold stock from the 1960s/70s. In the retro box with the Wilsons and Callaghans there might indeed be some “Post office tower” variants of the lolly that is currently marketed as the “BT tower” lolly.
For the avoidance of any doubt the lollies referred to in this song are those of the “boiled sweet on a stick” genre as famously sucked by Telly Savalas in his role as Kojak
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