SUCK

Down at the sweetshop.

In the jars they've got

Novelty lollies, up on the top shelf.

All sorts of flavours.

Political favours

Those shaped like Big Ben

Are bad for your health.

There's bright red post boxes

And Nelsons, Red buses

The Queen's head, black taxis

And gurkins and shards

Helmets and  truncheons

Stuffed baguette luncheons

Post office towers

Bearskins and guards

Suck suck suck suck on a baguette

Suck suck suck suck on a gurkin

Suck suck suck suck on a helmet

Suck suck suck suck on a truncheon

The Thatchers and Majors

Have been there for ages

Along with the tacky old

Blairs and the Browns

Mouldy and sticky

Tricky for licky

Leaving a bad taste

Thorns in the crown.

Cameron bumface

And Mrs May replaced

By jars full of Bojos

All shiny and new

They're selling like hot cakes

And slander and real fakes

And come in ten flavours

Designed just for you

Suck suck suck suck on a Boris

Suck suck suck suck on a Boris

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

First they give you strawberry, mint,

Banana, chocolate too

Next it's chili, earwax, mould

Some that taste like poo

Boris flavour fluctuate

Change with every breath

The ninth one tastes so nondescript

The 10th one tastes like death.

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Lift the jar gently and empty out plenty

Cast them at random all over the floor

And as they all scatter

And clatter and shatter

Trodden and stamped on

The lies are no more

Sweep up the pieces

From corners and creases

Feed them to tourists and pigeons and rats

Mould the left overs

As five petal clovers

Feed them to liars and faux democrats

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck-uck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson

Suck suck suck suck on a Johnson!

© MOTH 2019

When in London…. Among the novelty boiled sweets and other offerings at the tourist gift shop you might find some lollies shaped like Boris Johnson. Be sure to choose your flavour wisely because some of the joke ones are silly flavours that will make you gag more than the real thing. Sing the last chorus out loud when having a picnic near Westminster. Boris is an utter plonker.

NOTES

Bojo is an abbreviation for Boris Johnson.

There may indeed be some unsold stock from the 1960s/70s. In the retro box with the Wilsons and Callaghans there might indeed be some “Post office tower” variants of the lolly that is currently marketed as the “BT tower” lolly.

For the avoidance of any doubt the lollies referred to in this song are those of the “boiled sweet on a stick” genre as famously sucked by Telly Savalas in his role as Kojak

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