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Sprawled on the patio, barely dressed,

Eyeing up the cider, pesky guest

Very special recipe, full bouquet

Gone tomorrow, here today

Stripy, stripy, stripy black,

How, how many others look like that?

How does a bee fly bee fly bee fly

How does a bee fly bee fly be?

Bee flies backwards, backwards, backwards

Bee flies backwards,  backwards bee

How does a fly be fly be fly be

How does a fly be ?

Down at the veg patch,  man decides

To paint it all,  with pesticides

Over by the tree stump

There's a little hole

Vespa buzz about

Open goal

What will you become, become, become

What will you become, become, bee?

Soon will you be dead be dead be dead

Soon will you be dead be dead bee

Ficam, Dycarb, Niomil, Garvox,

Turcam, Tattoo, Multimet, Seedox

Puff the magic just wait ant see

Mr Sripy wipe your feet carefully

The bees are snorting bendiocarb

The bees are snorting bendiocarb

The bees are snorting

Doff yer cap, wink an eye

A knowing nod, as passives die

Down at the orchard, on the ground

Hexaplegic, squirm around

Jenny takes, the tasty snack

Neurone nodules, start to crack

Puff, the tragic flagon high

Puff, the tragic dragon fly

How do the bees knees,

Bees knees, bees knees

How do the bees knees,

Bees knees, be?

Making a beeline beeline beeline

Making a beeline for sanctuary.

No apple grows, no cider flows

Vexed by the obvious, venus flies

Fooled by another APHA disguise

Futile flowering, bees don't come

Go get paintbrush number one

A bit of simple stamen stroking

Gets things done

When will you be free be free be free

When will you be free be free bee?

When will we be kind be kind be kind

When will we be kind be kind bee?

Testing testing testing 1 2  3

This is Eric the extinct bee

© MOTH 2017

Pesticides kill all sorts of lovely bees and other pollinators by mistake. The world would be a very sorry place if widespread reduction in their numbers or if their extinction was caused. So you protect your cider from the annoying wasps by nuking the wasp nest only to discover that you’re destroying the other insects that pollinate the cider apple orchard. Stupid. Ok we’d still have some stuff like hazel nuts that pollinate by the wind but the most of it will be history. Of course you could always walk around the orchard pollinating manually with a swab but your lazy arse prefers lounging on the patio.


The insects are food for small birds and bats so they decline. Some of that stuff also kills worms that badgers feed on.

So that’s effectively faunaslaughter (fauna equivalent of manslaughter) of protected species which should be scorned. There’s no point in protecting their habitats if you’re then going to starve them to death.

Mock wasp nests are available that might deter incursions to sensitive patios if they are hung up early enough in the season. It needs to be pre-emptive and it’s no good waiting until they’re buzzing round your head.


Hexaplegic is like quadraplegic but with 6 limbs rather than four.

Jenny is a Jenny wren.

Doff is a company that manufactures the pesticides.

APHA is the Animal and Plant Health Agency

Eric is a fleeting reference to Eric the half a bee from the Monty Python song. Extinction is the next step beyond being a half.

(Updated October 2019)

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