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BEE FLY
Sprawled on the patio, barely dressed,
Eyeing up the cider, pesky guest
Very special recipe, full bouquet
Gone tomorrow, here today
Stripy, stripy, stripy black,
How, how many others look like that?
How does a bee fly bee fly bee fly
How does a bee fly bee fly be?
Bee flies backwards, backwards, backwards
Bee flies backwards, backwards bee
How does a fly be fly be fly be
How does a fly be ?
Down at the veg patch, man decides
To paint it all, with pesticides
Over by the tree stump
There's a little hole
Vespa buzz about
Open goal
What will you become, become, become
What will you become, become, bee?
Soon will you be dead be dead be dead
Soon will you be dead be dead bee
Ficam, Dycarb, Niomil, Garvox,
Turcam, Tattoo, Multimet, Seedox
Puff the magic just wait ant see
Mr Sripy wipe your feet carefully
The bees are snorting bendiocarb
The bees are snorting bendiocarb
The bees are snorting
Doff yer cap, wink an eye
A knowing nod, as passives die
Down at the orchard, on the ground
Hexaplegic, squirm around
Jenny takes, the tasty snack
Neurone nodules, start to crack
Puff, the tragic flagon high
Puff, the tragic dragon fly
How do the bees knees,
Bees knees, bees knees
How do the bees knees,
Bees knees, be?
Making a beeline beeline beeline
Making a beeline for sanctuary.
No apple grows, no cider flows
Vexed by the obvious, venus flies
Fooled by another APHA disguise
Futile flowering, bees don't come
Go get paintbrush number one
A bit of simple stamen stroking
Gets things done
When will you be free be free be free
When will you be free be free bee?
When will we be kind be kind be kind
When will we be kind be kind bee?
Testing testing testing 1 2 3
This is Eric the extinct bee
© MOTH 2017
Pesticides kill all sorts of lovely bees and other pollinators by mistake. The world would be a very sorry place if widespread reduction in their numbers or if their extinction was caused. So you protect your cider from the annoying wasps by nuking the wasp nest only to discover that you’re destroying the other insects that pollinate the cider apple orchard. Stupid. Ok we’d still have some stuff like hazel nuts that pollinate by the wind but the most of it will be history. Of course you could always walk around the orchard pollinating manually with a swab but your lazy arse prefers lounging on the patio.
ALSO…
The insects are food for small birds and bats so they decline. Some of that stuff also kills worms that badgers feed on.
So that’s effectively faunaslaughter (fauna equivalent of manslaughter) of protected species which should be scorned. There’s no point in protecting their habitats if you’re then going to starve them to death.
Mock wasp nests are available that might deter incursions to sensitive patios if they are hung up early enough in the season. It needs to be pre-
LIT NOTES
Hexaplegic is like quadraplegic but with 6 limbs rather than four.
Jenny is a Jenny wren.
Doff is a company that manufactures the pesticides.
APHA is the Animal and Plant Health Agency
Eric is a fleeting reference to Eric the half a bee from the Monty Python song. Extinction is the next step beyond being a half.
(Updated October 2019)
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